Actually, it’s my side. I tried a patient lift, but it didn’t work with Lynn’s wheelchair. I know the one that I would like to get–it’s a modified version of what we used in the hospital–but it’s over $3000 because it’s not provided by our insurance company. So I lift Lynn myself. He now weighs 215 lbs. That’s a lot to lift. I’m no small person, either. I weigh about 180 lbs, which is probably part of the problem. If I were in shape and lost about 50 lbs., I would have more energy and more flexibility; however, as my doctor explained, losing weight is difficult when you’re under a lot of stress. My body thinks it needs to store fat so that I’ll have the necessary energy to fight off what’s causing the stress.
I also admit I have no willpower right now. To think about counting calories or watching portions is just more than I can face. I eat to keep up the energy and grab what’s easy. I try to keep sweets out of the house, but I snack on nuts and bars and whatever I can find that I can eat while I work. I’ve looked at weight loss ads, but I’m afraid of that. Plus, I have a lot of sensitivities to foods. It’s just too much to think about right now.
I know I also need to exercise. I sometimes get in a few minutes of stretching to help my muscle spasms, but to even carve out 30 minutes means either reducing sleep time or work time. If I reduce work time, I have to take vacation time, and I need to store that up in case he gets sick and goes into the hospital again. What a roller coaster!
I worry, though, about these spasms I’m having so often from lifting. I know one day I’ll probably pull something that won’t go back, and then what will we do? I’ll have no one to take care of either of us. Then what? I have long-term care insurance to cover me, but Lynn already had MS when I had the opportunity to get it, so he wasn’t qualified. Just one more thing to leave in God’s hands because I can’t worry about it now.
For now, it’s 11:00 p.m. I finished working at 10:30 and put a pre-made meal from a friend in the oven for dinner. Thank the good Lord (and Amelia) for those meals. I don’t know what I would do without them. I’ve had some Advil and Lynn’s in his powerchair attached to his peddler for the night. Think I’ll go have something to eat…
