My first career in life was as a registered nurse. I graduated in 1978 with a diploma in nursing and obtained my BS in 1980. I was fortunate to have a position that allowed me to learn many new procedures that I would teach to others so I had exposure to all types of products, procedures, and knowledge. Though I left nursing after my first child was born to begin a new career, I kept abreast of many changes. I even did home health care for a while as a second job. I fully believe that God used those experiences to prepare me for my current role as a family caregiver.
We have had a home health nurse overseeing Lynn’s wound care for several weeks. I told her last week that we did not need her anymore because the pressure ulcer had nearly healed. All I needed her for anyway was a consultation to make sure I had the supplies I needed to care for the wound. I could not get them as a family member, but I could if I asked a home health nurse to get an order for them.
It’s been a bit frustrating at times being a nurse but unable to “be” a nurse as a family member. I assisted with all his care except for managing machines when Lynn was in the hospital. I was unfamiliar with those, so I either left them alone or had someone teach me how to manage them, too (not something they would usually do). I would assess his body and vital signs and consult with the medical team regarding what they observed. I still do that.
When I call the doctor, I take vital signs, give sizes and descriptions of skin breakdown, describe sounds or smells that indicate problems, and have “home” kits to determine if infections are developing. I do all these things, and his doctors trust that I know when something is wrong, and they listen to my recommendations. I am truly part of his care team. However, because I am the spouse, I cannot “order” supplies except through home health. I cannot get reimbursed for care provided, such as wound care, because I’m the spouse. The home health nurses have not once done his wound care. I do it. I tell them what I’m using, what I think is going on, how it’s healing, and what supplies I need, and they go along with what I say.
Not so with insurance companies.
If there is a family relationship, you lose all credibility with them. I get “stripped” of my license when I try to justify my care needs. So, I’ve learned to get what I need by getting an order for home health (which is a waste of money for the insurance company since I could easily do this without them paying for a home visit). This is just another problem that exists in our health care reimbursement system.
…Just like not paying for preventive care….don’t get me started on that!
There’s another time when a nurse is not a nurse when she’s a family caregiver; that’s when she tries to tell her spouse what to do. I have so many times told Lynn he was developing a “condition” of some sort. I would warn him that he needed to go to the doctor to get such and such. However, he won’t go until the situation is so bad he’s in pain or can see for himself that it won’t heal alone. I get no credit for what I know. Yes, I’ve “told him so” a few times now, and he even admits that he needs to listen to me, but there’s something in his ego that won’t let him take directions from me.
I also realize that I’ve become his enabler as a family caregiver. I realize he would probably have more “abilities” to care for himself if I was not here to do so much for him. When he’s tired, he won’t “do” for himself. He calls me. If he was in a facility or had someone who was not family caring for him, he would likely have to do it himself or not get it done. He would not be happy and might have long waits, but I often wonder if I’ve harmed him by always being there to help. On the other hand, I know that if I had not been there to watch over him, he most likely would not have lived to this point because I had caught and/or prevented so many medical issues for him before they became serious.
So, my medical background is a true blessing from God. He’s provided me with the knowledge, skills, and abilities to care for the husband He gave me. Though He has not led me to “be” a nurse, He has led me to “be” His healing hands for Lynn. I am very grateful for that, and we are both truly blessed.
