I’m supposed to be at my eye appointment right now. Since I’m writing a blog instead, you are correct in assuming I didn’t make it there today. I really wanted to go get my eyes checked but even more, I really wanted new glasses. I wear progressive lenses in very inexpensive frames, and for the past two years, I have struggled with them constantly slipping down my nose, irritating the bridge of my nose where they sit, and not being able to see anyone I was talking to who stood within two feet of me because I would have to view them through the wrong “progressive” section of my lens. I had it all arranged…Lynn’s aunt and uncle were coming early so I could leave on time, and I had planned in my mind how I would get my exam, order my frames, and pick up things I needed at the store, but as they say….the best-made plans of mice and men…
I got to bed at 2:30 a.m. last night, which is fairly typical for me but not what I wanted to do since I had to get up at 6:30 a.m. after a night of every two-hour catheterization. So we agreed that we would get up at 7 and cut a few corners in getting ready. I set my alarm and went to bed. Got up at 4:30, did my thing, and went back to bed. Got up at 6 for another catheter experience and went back to bed for an hour. Next, I awakened at 8 a.m. Apparently, my alarm did not go off, and Lynn had just woken up and needed to be cathed. I checked but there was no apparent reason that the alarm did not work. We figured out how to cut corners from our normal 3-hour morning routine to be able to be ready in 1 1/2 hours. We started our scramble by doing multiple things at one time to get in all we could. Our plan could work, PROVIDED his bathroom time went smoothly.
Well, you guessed it….his bowel regimen didn’t work today. That’s not unusual when we have to go somewhere. Maybe it’s a subconscious fear that it won’t go smoothly that causes his nerves and muscles not to work for success, but it’s often the case. Of course, today was typical of that. Two suppositories and a pediatric enema later and we have a very return on our investment. Ugh…I can’t leave him home with folks who cannot take him to the bathroom in the event his GI system decides to become cooperative later so I call and cancel my appointment. I’ll reschedule eventually, but I only have Saturday “coverage” every other week, and the next time is my Caregiver Support group, so it could be a month before I can reschedule. Oh, well, what’s another month when I’ve been dealing with these irritating glasses for two years anyway…
Actually, though, I’m at peace with it. Normally, I get very upset when my plans get sabotaged by uncooperative body parts, but for some reason today, it did not upset me at all. I calmly told Lynn I would cancel my appointment and reschedule and never thought another thing about it. Why? I never act that way (as I have shared before when my plans get changed, I get frustrated, and then my evil twin comes out) but today I was not upset at all. The way I figure it, God was telling me I should not go today.
I believe there are no coincidences in life. I think God’s hand is in everything. Not that he makes things happen, but that he is aware of and working through whatever happens. I do not believe that God does things TO us but that he works within whatever happens to and around us, either for our good or that of someone else. I do not believe he causes fires or earthquakes or terrorist attacks to get even with us but that He allows those bad things to happen, and through those struggles, we learn perseverance, or we are humbled into realizing we need others or for some other reason unknown to us but for the good of someone or something.
Sometimes I wonder, “Why us,” about Lynn’s condition. At the time he was struck down by MS, he and I were both extremely involved in our church; we were there almost every day of the week, either in choir, drama, praise band, worship, or service. We were actively serving God and reaching out to share His word, but now we can’t even go to church. We hardly even see anyone. We went from serving others to being served, and served, and served…and it was a hard transition to make.
I’ve had people from church who come help us say what a blessing it is to them to be able to do so and have helped others; I know that is true, but being on the receiving end is hard at first. “It’s more blessed to give than to receive” is true. Being the “receiver” was initially embarrassing and humbling, but eventually, I learned to accept that we were God’s receptacle for the service of others and to be thankful we had that role. We have been blessed over and over again by His interventions by using others on our behalf.
So why am I not upset today about not getting to my appointment? For some reason, and I may never know why, I was not supposed to attend that appointment today. Maybe I avoided an accident, maybe it was His way of preventing me from causing an accident due to lack of sleep, maybe someone else needed my appointment more than I did, or maybe it was so I could share my thoughts today with someone who needed to hear them. I’ll never know, but I do know this…God did not want me to go to that appointment. My alarm didn’t go off, I overslept, and Lynn’s bowel program all worked together to keep me here–so that’s that. Not sure what the rest of today will hold but for now, I’m at peace.
Hope you have a good day as well.
