As a caregiver, I have had many moments where I felt alone and afraid, times when I stood by my husband’s bed wondering if he would continue to live another day, and times when I asked if I would be able to make it another day myself. During most of those times, I had no one with me. We did not encourage visitors due to Lynn’s weakened immune system, and our family had obligations that prevented their visitation. Therefore, I was usually alone with my thoughts and God. With God there, I had someone by my side all day and all night. Whenever I was afraid, he was there for me to share my fears and ask for comfort. So many times, I turned to him with fear and no words other than, “God, help me through this,” and he did.
Answered Prayer
I remember a time when we were on a countdown to put Lynn on a ventilator, and I called several people to start a prayer chain to ask for Lynn’s CO2 levels to come down. They did it just before the deadline. There was another time I prayed for his blood pressure to get in line, and it immediately obeyed. One weekend, the doctors told us repeatedly that Lynn had a cancerous tumor in his lung. The bronchoscopy answered our prayers; it was only a mucus plug. So many times, we have prayed for help, and God was there to make a way for us. Even if we didn’t get the answer we asked to receive, the one we obtained worked for us and often resulted in a better outcome in the long run.
Struggle Asking for Help
I have not always been a Christian. I learned about Christ as an adult and have struggled to let him help me. I’m very independent and need to be in control. I have a difficult time feeling loved and accepted by others. I don’t like asking for help, and I usually feel left out, abandoned, and unwanted because I don’t know how to reach out to others. I’m working to accept love, comfort, and help, but it’s foreign. However, I know one thing: I am not alone, no matter how I may feel. There may be no one else here by my side, but God is always with me.
Holy Spirit Always with Me
When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, he sent the Holy Spirit to live within me. I always have part of the Trinity with me everywhere I go. I am part of the family of God. I am his child; he is my father. Jesus is my brother, and when I die, I’m going home to heaven, not because I deserve it but because I’m family. My home is there, and my brother, Jesus, has already paid my entrance fee to enter the gate to get inside.
Seek Jesus, He’s Worth It
I hope that if you don’t know Jesus, you will get to know him. Walking a caregiver’s road is a hard life. Let Jesus carry you along the way until he can carry you home to the mansion he built for you.
